of me

I feel suffocated sometimes by everyday life... the monotony of a schedule and set times on the things you do everyday, the moving clock, every minute counts. I want to be free of time restrictions, they are soulless therefor they suck your soul. Anyways today on my commute on the F train I was observing how the light from the sun reflected on the ground and made its way through the windows and on to the other side, creating a beautiful rhythm that almost felt like sound... it would make great music.  I want to paint but is not feeling natural the past few days... I think my mind is tired, I need to stop but I feel guilty, when I stop... it feels like I'm cheating on my brushes and knives, it's fucking ridiculous... and I need to rest. I have this memory of a friend... I hope to see you soon.  Life is feeling so calm... so great... so much!! I want to smile and cry at the same time and at the end know that I am exactly where I want to be and it gets better and better.