It's been a long time since I've cared to write, to share my thoughts... mainly rambling.
I was reading through myspace which is where I use to blog, before myspace became lame and deserted, anyhoo it made me want to write again, I didn't write about anything specific really but it was a nice way to record the space and time...
my last post was on
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
this heart of mine is in a robotic state
Category: Life
emotionless... this is a strange feeling, no anger, no pain, no sadness, or the opposite of. This is what it is, how I have come to see love. my heart no longer brakes or skips heart beats is quite distant and detached. I know that feeling will come at some point, hopefully when it does its something lasting and with someone that has the strength to love... hopefully I will feel it too.
This big bad wolf... always knocking on my door.
all the best intention and little by little lost in some forgotten dream, a distant memory of your face and mediocre scenes entangled in moments with no substance... passionate kisses and lost in your eyes... knife at hand (this meant a lot) lover i wont see you no more, funny how an enchanted forest can quickly become a jungle and puzzle pieces misplaced.
sitting on the corner of my heart *)) tying the strings cause everything is always alright in
the END.
this was very fitting for my long brake from blogging... so here goes I don't want to care about what you think when you read what I have to write, that way I can fully express how I truly feel... I respect peoples opinions and points of view and I stand by what I believe in my heart is right or wrong... I'm listening to music, I can make out the bits and pieces... breathing feeling. All so unpredictable, snow fell last night, it was so cool, I haven't seen snow since I was little and it felt like the first time, the cold air, flakes on my face, white, squinting eyes, joy, calm… today is white everywhere, tomorrow it will probably be a mud puddle but today is definitely pretty outside.
I am in a process of self discovery, trying to piece me together, trying to figure out how I've come to be me… I want to paint an autobiographical series… pictures, moments, people, music, magic, pain, significant, dream… writing
I am revisiting my life, since birth and so on, surroundings in a specific time, related to an emotion and a kodak moment or not. revisiting my dreams… everything
Its strange when you start to do this because it sucks sometimes to face yourself, makes very true for my fav quote "Only the moment knows who you are"… for real!
sweet, and sad that i did not meet you while you were living on orlando, and semi-sweet as a former new yorker who misses much of what the city offers, but not enough to want to be in the cold again, and sweet that you wrote the above, especially the committment to be yourself in your words no matter what - i tend to do that too much for most, hence my minimal following (laughter at the thought of how many people might read me but fear exposing themselves as readers for fear they might fall into my naked ramblings as those who know me and know i write do their best to avoid the subject, alas, so much fear in people, is fearlessness foolish? :)
ReplyDeleteyay for you for jumping into your dreams... i hope you continue :)
PS - found you on twitter on the list of people like me... and how would twitter know? lol :)